Terminal A, Terminal Taste

It’s 5 in the morning. You’ve just trekked an ungodly distance to Newark Airport, been harassed by security, and now have the great joy of a cramped seat for five hours to look forward to. I know the last thing most of us are considering in a situation like this is what we have on. I’m here to tell you I’m considering it, and most of you look like a f***ing mess. People, come on now.

I’m a firm believer that if you want people to dress up for something, you have to make the experience worth dressing up for. So, I understand why the only effort you think an airport deserves is a pair of cheetah print leggings and a stained hoodie. But, like, don’t you care?

Dressing well should ultimately be for yourself. However, if personal comfort is prioritized above absolutely everything else, then we’re losing a little dignity. Have some pride in how you present yourself. I’m not saying you need to wear a tuxedo or a ball gown, but are jeans really too much to ask for? Is a pair of jeans and a fucking T-shirt really that difficult?

Sometimes I’m not even convinced some of you know what you’re wearing. I’m sitting here in Terminal A at Newark Airport, the mouth of hell, and I’m surrounded by the devil’s work.

And another thing. Why are you in shorts? Why are you letting your bare legs touch those seats? What’s wrong with you? Who raised you? Call them. Ask them where things went off the rails. This goes double for anyone who takes their shoes off on a flight. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a criminal.

OK, I know I’m being harsh. I really do…

But it’s coming from a place of love. I genuinely want everyone to look as good as they can. Honestly, you should probably be thanking me. But I won’t accept your gratitude because I’m humble and, more importantly, I was raised right.

All I’m asking is that the next time you’re getting ready to board a flight somewhere exciting, let your excitement inspire an outfit with at least an ounce of decorum. Doesn’t it feel better to arrive in a new city wearing something that makes you feel put together? Wouldn’t the whole experience feel a little more magical if you showed up in something other than a Winnie the Pooh onesie?

Just put on a pair of jeans. Put on a sweater. Please…For me.